I know the saying…”Funerals bring out the best in people. Weddings bring out the worst in people.” This is certainly true!
It started with my engagement party with one of my aunts basically telling my mother who needed to be invited. What gives her the right to do that?? Anyways, crisis basically averted, minor annoyance on my part and no family rifts.
Fast forward to NOW…At my engagement party, my grandparents hand me a list of people who need to be sent an invitation. Their friends and their family (which I guess also means it is my mom’s family and ultimately my family) in Israel. They also took it upon themselves to invite my grandfather’s uncle who they are close to. I wasn’t happy about that, but okay, 2 people and make my grandparents happy? Sure, why not? Plus my grandparents were convinced that Sam (the uncle) wouldn’t come because he is in his 80′s and may not be up for the travelling. Well, this uncle has decided that he and his lady friend are coming. Uncle Sam (yes…stop smiling, I have an Uncle Sam) has a daughter (we’ll refer to her as R) who is NOT invited to the wedding. My grandparents are not close to her, my mother isn’t close to her and I have never met her in my life! R has only gotten back in touch with my mom after 25 years when she heard that my father had passed away. For the past 6 months or so, she has been bragging to everyone how she can’t wait to go to the wedding. My mom subtly told her that she wasn’t invited…she didn’t get the message. So finally I sent her a very sweet, very short & to the point email that we just couldn’t invite her, her husband and son (not to mention that she has a brother and if we invite R we have to invite her brother too).
The emails she has sent back to me in a matter of a 12 hour period! I have been made to feel lower than life, bullied, guilted & manipulated. Comments like “this is not what you do, no way”, “I am hoping that this was just an error in judgement and it will be corrected and rectified and you will e-mail me to let me know that the matter has been rectified and that my husband, my son and I can and will expect and invitation to the wedding.”
Her son was Bar Mitzvahed in 2000, and no one in my family can recall having received an invitation. She even threw in how she had lost her mother tragically a year ago. And how this is very hard on her son and she wants to be able to share a happy occasion with her father. I lost my father too. This is EXTREMELY hard on me, my brother (who still hasn’t come to grips with it) and my mother…but nothing about that. Nothing about how she would love to see my mother, my uncle and his wife, meet me & my brother and share in the joy. No…just about how you don’t do this to family. She even told me that she sent an email to my grandparents about this as well. Like that is supposed to change my mind! They aren’t paying for this.
Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep last night because all these thoughts & feelings kept running through my head. Am I totally wrong on this? I don’t think so. I don’t know this woman. My mom hasn’t had any kind of relationship with her for god knows how long. She doesn’t want to be invited for the right reasons. She wants to see her father. That should be the secondary reason for attending the wedding. I am so beside myself about this! It has been such a long time since someone has made me feel like this.
I was going to email her back with my point of view, but my mom has decided to take care of this tonight. There are certain people who are being invited to the wedding who have every right to EXPECT to be invited…not her! And yet she does. I am not some stupid kid who doesn’t know the meaning of family. I am just more concerned about my close family.
Thanks for listening/reading…Phew…vent over (hopefully)!
